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being very out

April 6, 2010

I go through periods where I search the intertubes forlornly for a bisexual blog. I’ve found a few that are alright, but very few publish often about bi issues. There’s just not the same community as for lesbians and gays, or even transpeople. It’s not that there’s anything I’m really looking to read. I’ve found bloggers that cover queer politics pretty well, and I’m not looking for a cultural connection or someone to date. I want to be reminded that other people like me exist. I get lonely, living in such a monosexual world. I get so excited when people remember to say “LGBT” instead of “gays and lesbians”, because then I get to be included. I get sad when one same sex experience by a celebrity has them assumed homosexual. I want to be sure other people know that people like me exist.

Apparently I’m a very out bisexual. Louie was in town a while back for a party, so of course there were quizzes, and we ended up ranking each other based on how straight or gay we thought everyone was, and how horny or asexual. I got listed by everyone except Erik as more attracted to women than men. I was proud, and surprised. I’ve always made an effort to be out, especially since I’ve been dating Erik, because I don’t want to disappear. I’ve never been in a straight relationship, and I hate thinking that people think that. I don’t want my relationship to cause my identity to disappear. So I make an effort to be out and loud. I make an effort to point out women I find attractive, and to discuss queer politics, and flirt with my female friends at parties. I want to make sure everyone remembers that I’m not straight.

I know I’m not alone, but still, it’s odd. The only other person in my life who identifies as bi (that I know of among the people who I talk with at least semi-regularly) is 2300 miles away. That’s a long way. My life is incredibly straight, and the few homosexuals that have inhabited it out here in California don’t give me a the whole bisexual connection. Makes me miss having Ashley around. Makes me want to go to a gay bar. Some day I really should get around to finding a bisexual reading group or something. I hear they exist. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely. Until then, I’ll keep wandering the intertubes, looking for a good blog. And maybe post more often about being bi, in hopes that other people like me could read it and feel less alone.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Alica permalink
    April 7, 2010 6:19 pm

    Awe, I’m sorry you’re dealing with the lonelies :(

    We should really switch places, I know way more people who are bisexual than people who are gay, lesbian or trans.

  2. April 7, 2010 6:28 pm

    Hah are you serious? I’m so jealous. See, this is why I want to move back to A2! No one here believes me that my friends here are just too normal.

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