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Alone

March 20, 2008

I want to write you a letter. To tell you how much I want you right now. How attractive and engaging I find you. How much I enjoy the shape of your back, and how it feels to make you smile. I want to tell you how much I appreciate it when you panic on my account, and how great it is to have someone who challenges me.
Mostly, though, I want to have you in my life, because I’m alone right now. Once again, I’m going to bed alone, with no one to herald or notice what time it is or how much sleep I’ll get. Once again I’m going to bed alone, and there is no sign that this will change. I’m ready to be done with that, at least for a while. Right now, I’m ready to have someone in my life again, someone to notice me and care about me, someone who’s job it is to actually listen to the reply when they ask about my day, simply someone who’s here, often, to tell me that I’m noticed. I know that you won’t stay; I wouldn’t want you to. I’m not ready for that step. I’d simply like to have you around for a while. I think we could have fun, and I think you’re strong enough to accept me for all my insanity. Maybe I just want you to be.
I don’t know how to ask though. I never do. Then again, this isn’t exactly a fantastic proposal anyway. I guess I’ll just keep dreaming. I know that tomorrow I’ll wake up and not care so much. Right now, though, it’s just hard to accept.

Sorry for the depressing ramble, folks. It’s lj, right? I’m allowed to not always be upbeat.

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