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February 26, 2008

Interesting lately.  My uncle Tony is really sick with liver cancer.  Grandma Muck is getting older (and I’m a horrible person for forgetting to call her today on her birthday).  Mom’s friend might have breast cancer.  Just found out tonight that an online friend is dying, or may even be gone by the time I write this.
All this extreme sadness, but it’s all so distant.  All of these people are on the other side of the Mississippi.  I hear about it in phone conversations, through emails, and forum posts.  Usually it’s second hand knowledge.
It’s hard to know what to do.  On one hand, I want to make a huge fuss out of it, but on the other hand it’s so distant that I hardly react.  I want to be with these people, to see how they are and maybe to say goodbye, but I’m on the other side of the country and it just isn’t there.
Instead, I have a glass of wine with dinner.  I harass Hasan and Aaron more for company, without specifying why I want company.  I go off alone more to read or write or just be in a tree.  I give my pigs kisses.

How often do people carry burdens like this when we don’t know it?  Most of us here aren’t close enough to share these sorts of things.  How many of us spend a lot of our time with dark clouds hiding over our shoulders?
Grad school is an interesting place.

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