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feeling better now

October 20, 2007

I’m listening to Katie’s “Michigan Memories” CD. I don’t think I’ve been brave enough to listen to this since I moved here. At first I was too alone and too far from home. I started making friends, and then couldn’t understand why I still felt so isolated to the point that thinking of home made me want to cry. Then those friends turned out to be very different people, most of them, than what I had though, and all of a sudden as orientation started I had to go through making friends all over again. Now, though, I think I got it right. I’m happy and content, and willing to forgive. I’ve found people who would understand the feeling in “Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young”, which the people from this summer would never get. I’ve found people who love to dance and sing, who are willing to love and be free. Suddenly my friends are a lot more pleasant.
So today while looking for something to listen to, I put on this CD and reread the book Katie made to go with it. It almost made me cry, but in a happy way. Like yesterday when I was telling a Californian how fall is depressing here because there’s no color, and all I could think of was home and how much I love it. I guess it’s homesick that I’m feeling, but not in the awful way I felt it before, where I was so lonely that I could hardly breathe. Then “Seasons of Love” came on and I sat down next to the pigs and felt so unbelievably content. I think I can find a group of friends here who measure up to my A2 friends after all.
I still miss Michigan. No place will ever be as beautiful as home in fall. But I’ll get to go home again eventually, and I’m content with that. Right now I’m happy to be feeling like I’ll fit here before too long. I got to wade in the ocean today, and that’s almost as nice as Hudson Mills when the maples are so bright they look like they’re burning.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 21, 2007 7:01 pm

    I’m very happy to hear that. Fitting in is a good feeling. =)

  2. October 22, 2007 10:34 pm

    You know, the ocean is amazing (and warm!), but I think that the Great Lakes are cooler because they are so much like oceans but…not. Isn’t that dope?

  3. October 23, 2007 1:01 am

    Yeah the great lakes are way cooler than the Pacific. It’s amazing and all, but I can’t get over the salt, and you can’t swim as much because the waves are so crazy.

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