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prolly not the sort of entry Katie says she enjoys so much

May 7, 2006

I’m in an odd state of mind tonight. Be forewarned.

There are a lot of lonely people on lj. Lonely sad depressed people, assuming love where it isn’t to fill in gaps. ‘Mature’ cynical people who think they are better than everyone else because they admit to their faults. You know who you are. Well, if you return the favor and read your friends page anyway.
I don’t understand what it is about this medium. I know that it’s completely inappropriate to tell my secrets, say what went on last fall or what I do in the privacy of my room, and yet they want to come spilling out. I don’t know how many entries I’ve typed and then deleted. Depressed ones. Rants. Confessions. Mostly just emotional displays. I’m not alone is this. I know because I see what gets posted. I wonder if these people tell everything, or make shit up, or if the things they can’t say are so much worse than mine, because the things I can’t say they post.
I’d love to tell you all about me. My secrets, my low moments. Instead I tell you nonsense, rambles, bits of politics (oh yeah, the 9/11 guy isn’t gonna get killed – I’m happy) and basically nothing. I’m not sure how I decide what gets posted and what doesn’t. On my lj or anyone else’s. I post more than my A2 friends. Less than my Adrian friends. Why is that?
I really want to know, though, what impulse leads us to wanting to post our shit here. Why do we feel like telling the world, or at least our friend’s friends pages, the lowest emotional parts of our lives? And why can’t we be truly honest on here?
A message, though, to those who post depressed things. I read them. And I worry. And I wonder what the etiquette is for a friendship that’s mostly lj. And I wonder if I should email you or call you.
I’d like to figure out a way for people to feel less alone. I think it’d start with changing how we define friend. Too much emphasis is placed on fucking, and not enough on talking.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 7, 2006 9:05 pm

    part of it, at least in my opinion/experience, comes from a desire for attention. If we just wanted to get our emotions out, we’d use private entries/a paper journal. We want connection, especially when talking about our emotions, even if outwardly we say otherwise. We want others to comment and provide attention when we’re not happy.

  2. May 7, 2006 9:08 pm

    plus, I definately know I’m one of the cynics that enjoys ranting about his own flaws. Nothing like self-glorification to help get one through the day

  3. May 8, 2006 3:12 pm

    I agree with the above commenter.
    I talk about what’s wrong with me because I usually want someone to say to me “There is nothing wrong with you” … or something of those sorts. Sometimes though, I feel that if I’ve got something personal to say (good or bad), I should let people know what I’m feeling. If they go through the trouble to read my lj, they should be allowed full accesss to what I have to say. Plus, typing up an entry is a lot more convienent than writing out an entry. I don’t know about you, but I type faster than I write. And, on average, only about five of my 25 friends read my lj on a regular basis. If it was something really worth worrying about, I probably wouldn’t post it anyway. I would call somebody in tears or some shit. But that’s just the way I work.

  4. May 8, 2006 3:41 pm

    Too much emphasis is placed on fucking, and not enough on talking.
    Yeah. Nice, blunt, and to the point.

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