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January 30, 2006

life is fucking awesome

There are about two hundred crows sleeping in the trees behind my house, and when I walked up the short cut just a bit ago coming home from Yin’s about a hundred and fifty of them took off at the motion sensor light on the back door. That sound is utterly fascinating. I almost don’t feel guilty for waking them up because that sound was so incredible.
So incredible that I’m using exclaimation marks.

I’m me again. The utterly insane looses it just for kicks and feels like perhaps she’s a smoking something without realizing it sort of me. The person I was last spring, when I laughed at life for the sheer insanity and fabulousness of it. Life is completly crazy, and I’m so in love with it right now. I want to find Yin’s red martini glasses again, and drink root beer from them, and laugh without reason so much that he worries about me. I want to dance on more benches in public, and jump off rocks and fall for fun stories, and sing along to my mp3 player while I walk home. Oh wait, I am doing all the things in that last sentence. I want to graffiti in chalk, and learn to spell grafetti.
I need to stop writing in this late at night. I think I come off as bad-crazy.
Is this what it’s like to actually know yourself? Or is this just gratitude?

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 30, 2006 10:57 am

    This entry contains a lot of the thing that i marvel in the most about life. I just suck it up. I could spend all day feeling my way around your words. As for knowing yourself…i’ve been trying to do that for a long time…and I always end up supprising myself in new ways. However….for what it’s worth…it’s still a good place to be.
    this is the MAGIC cayce always talks about. Try casting a spell…see what happens!
    It’s just like casting a penny into a wishing well……dosn’t make any sence, yet in that one moment, all of the beauty of human existance is contained in it.
    and in these moments… just have to step back….and let yourself go….and let your heart become one with simplicity. in that moment…you find yourself free.
    for me……life dosn’t get much better than that.
    And….although it sounds weird. That same exact feeling….is why I have such a strange obsession with death too……
    Eh. I need to know when to stop writing. I feel like writing a poem about this….always have. But…it’s too big for me right now. I wouldn’t do it justice. Some things just need to remain as abstract feelings.
    God, the feeling is intoxicating. But of course… logical side is kicking up and it’s is demanding me to say that of course, i’m going back to my own experinces and this experince was different because you are marie….and i am cameron. But that guy can be quite. I’d like to think, even for a moment, that “magic” can find it’s way into all of our hearts equally. It’s just depends on the wings and ears of your heart.

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