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back in the swing of things?

August 8, 2005

An interesting quote from Adam:
My experience with condemnation leads me to think that people assume it strengthens weak stance.

Here I am but two years into college and I find myself trapped in an image. This will hopefully change.

I feel like everything I start to write sounds of either Yin, Adam, or Cameron. Nothing seems to sound like me.

“Och, you two aren’t ‘men.'”
Ian’s feathery brows shot upward, and Jamie’s thicker red ones matched them.
“Oh, we’re not? Well, what are we, then?” Ian demanded.
Jenny turned toward him with a smile, white teeth flashing in the firelight. She patted Jamie on the head, and dropped a kiss on Ian’s forehead.
“You’re mine,” she said.

So I had a bunch of relatives over yesterday and realized all over again that my cousin Nick is a farmer. He’s got another job somewhere…but basically he’s a farmer. (Amusing story of his son Seth, 12, being in charge of the days hay baleing. There was a 19 year old hired hand around, who didn’t stack it right, and he got fired by Seth. Can you imagine that? I wish I coulda seen it) The point of this? I suppose by almost every defination Nick’s a hick. Thing is, I don’t see it as a bad thing, the ‘hick’ charactericts that he has. So to finally end this summer’s hick argument, well perhaps yes I am a hick, but if so I’m proud of it. There are a lot worse people I could do to resemble than my cousin Nick, or my nurmerous other relatives who have rather hick-like traits.

Now I wasn’t going to do it, but Yin goaded me into it, so here it is, a rant on height.
GET OVER IT PEOPLE IT’S NOT AN ISSUE! It matters when I’m mocking shorter guys by calling them “short stuff” (which basically is me being full of shit and ought to be ignored)(well okay it’s a male-superiority complex thing….yeah), and when things are in high places, and when there’s low doorways, but that’s it. Oh, and buying pants, because apparently we come in different shirt sizes but everyone is the same leg size, according to cloths manufacturers. Tall women and short men are still women and men. Yes I’m six foot tall, and you can line up four close female friends in a row of midgets standing about 5 foot 4. Yeah I’ve got a couple of guy friends who belong in that row. I’ve also got guy friends who stand with me, but basically it doesn’t matter. I probably invite the constant tall jokes by calling people short stuff or whatnot, so I suppose I shouldn’t complain, but I am anyway. There’s more to me than a tall person, and it seems absurd to say that tall is a defining trait of who I am. Tall doesn’t define me. Feminist does, and liberal, and crazy, and chem geek, but not tall. Tall is part of what my body is, like sunburnt and thin, with brown hair and whatnot. Tall isn’t anything to do with who I am. Tall just gives me more clout when I try to convince guys not to put me on a pedistal.
And btw, Yin, the purpose of this rant is NOT to make me any shorter. I’d never want that, because while tall doesn’t define me, tall is who I am, and I’m damn proud to be me.
Anyway enough of that.

This made my day:
“you’re the best prom date EVER.”

7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 8, 2005 3:26 pm

    well, well, well, marie.
    Sounds like you’re having some self image blargons.
    Height: I can see your point big time…but…
    Hick : Oh yeah…I mean, just look at MY father…but…
    Write’n: Uh…you sound like….you. but….
    WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!
    If people think you’re tall….good for them. Heck, you are taller than most women…but…personally….i could care less. Hell, I’m more broad sholdered than most of my friends…and when someone says “you’re HUGE!” i’m like “really? huh. Well, anyway, i think that in the next book…etc.”.
    Basically…I wouldn’t let all of this bother me. People think i’m REALLY WEIRD…because I live in my head a lot…and….i AM. I do mean…REALLY REALLY BIZZARE….but…I don’t really care. Good for them. Still dosn’t affect how awesome a friend i can be. Let them all think that I’m different. Still dosn’t change me.
    So….What ya need to do…is RELEASE! And just not worry. I’ve learned to stop worrying on the whole…and…it’s nice. really nice.
    But…different strokes, different folks. So…yeah. You work this one out for your self. But…that’s my take on it.

  2. August 8, 2005 5:56 pm

    An objective analysis
    Vehement condemnation is certainly used to give virtual substance to baseless claims and opinions. That’s life. It works on some people, so people use it. After all, if someone believes in the view THAT much, and their beliefe is SO polarized, then it CAN’T be baseless, now can it?
    For all your talk about being different, it seems that you still take issue with all of your differences pointed out.
    It’s interesting that “you’re tall” seems to be a trigger comment at times, yet you use “short stuff” and the like whenever you please and expect everyone to take such comments in joking stride. Interesting. Furthermore, “chem geek,” “feminist,” and “liberal” have the potential to be far more derogatory (if even that’s the word to use), but you seem to relish jumping into those stereotypes. Compared to those, “tall” is barely a problem. After all, being tall is not a bad thing. My parents wish I were taller all the time.
    It seems strange that your reactions to “tall” and the group of chem-geek-and-liberal-and-feminist are so polarized — polarized so contrary to the norm that part of you wants to be a part of. Of course, no matter how much you try to deny it, “tall” IS very much a part of who you are. The fact that you so vehemently defend its insignificance means that you’ve helped escalate the teasing by caring. If it’s so insignificant, why care about it so much?
    Just stop caring. Why should you? After all, and you should know this having grown up with three brothers, caring about something only invites goading. You do it yourself. Don’t make height an issue, and others won’t be able to. Obviously, it still is an issue, else you wouldn’t be ranting about it. Also, here’s a tidbit, tall doesn’t change the placement of you on a pedestal. So, pointing out your tallness won’t do you any good there. It’ll only invite goading.
    You’re still tall. I can’t change that. I don’t think you want to change it, either.
    P.S. – It seemed only fair to rebutt after being mentioned in your post. Cheers.
    P.P.S. – Using “midgets” only hurts your own cry for pity and “shut up.”
    Hmmm… I think that’s it for now. You obviously do care, so stop denying it and actually work on not letting things get to you.

  3. August 8, 2005 9:50 pm

    A slightly different approach than Yin and Cameron’s. Mostly Yin’s.
    *first of all….yeah, don’t think this is one of those posts that require this much responsage….kinda just a general rant, maybe people will pay attention, sort of thing. But…gonna respond anyway, cuz well, I can, and others did, and I don’t agree with some of what’s been said. But I’m NOT debating this. I’m just stating my humble opinion. So back off, boys!!!*
    I totally get your frustration with people using “tall” as a marker of who you are.
    I grew up amongst girls who by many standards would be considered tall, but by Okemos standards were “average”. I…as we all know…am on the short end of the scale. Heck, I didn’t even get ON the girl’s percentile charts for height until I was 6.
    But…I remember back in middle school, when the short jokes hit their high point…”It’s over your head”, “Sorry, it’s just so easy to look over you”…etc etc….
    People knew me as the short girl with long hair. Now, long hair is a choice, so that was a LITTLE better, and it’s not like I presented too many other traits for people to identify me as…so basically, I had to be known by physical characteristics. And by being smart and nice, apparently. But those were secondary. And very general observations.
    Anyhow. Point being.
    I started joking about myself being short. It made it easier to take the jokes all the time (the jokes didn’t hurt (usually), but like you, it was frustrating for that to be such an issue). My advice is….don’t ignore that you’re tall. Embrace it. It’s fun! And dude, I know you don’t have an issue with being tall…just with what other people do with that fact.
    But…if you are frustrated, you probably should be more careful with how you draw attention to your height. If you draw attention as “dude, no, awesome yay tall!” then cool beans….but since you DO use the “short stuff” type comments, it automatically kicks in the defense system of others who will then proceed to make height jokes right back. Figuring that you’re cool with it. Since you do it already. To them.
    Once I started mocking my own height, the jokes slowed down on everyone elses part.
    As far as labels go, I say labels are what you make them. Being labeled a chem geek is AWESOME if you think it is, and TOTALLY CHEWS ASPHALT if you think it does. We all do it….accept some labels, and defy others, despite if they fit. (I mean…look at my ridiculous complex with the word “girl”…all because of what the word means to ME, and not at all due to what others think it means, because they could have a different idea(obviously, I don’t know this idea, because I’m not them…so words will always just mean what they do to you, and not to others, although in trying to work through getting called something it always helps to look at what the person THINKS they’re calling you….)).
    Anyhow. Um….I’m pretty sure that you were just kinda rambly ranting, with no actual super deep OMG I’M GONNA DIE IF THIS DOESN’T STOP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHness associated, but since other comments had been left, I thought I’d leave my own impressive trail of lots of words. But I think I’m done now. So. Um….g’night then….
    (Just as an amusing sidenote, I totally shuddered when I typed the word “girl”. I’ve really developed quite the problem with that word, haven’t I?)

  4. August 9, 2005 5:29 am

    Re: YALP.
    Mmmmm cake. Though currently I’m very much in a fudge mood…
    But eh, self image, not really a big deal. More that Yin’s been teasing me, calling me tall all the time over email the last couple days. I threatened to go on a rant, he called my bluff, so rant I did. ‘Twas fun to write, makes me thinks…all in all worth it. The rest of it was just randomness. I’m kinda regretting I put the tall bit in with the rest of it…I feel like other stuff got ignored because there was a rant to respond to…

  5. August 9, 2005 6:57 am

    Re: An objective analysis
    *laughs* You are a fascinating guy. That was my reaction last night when I read this…though I don’t quite remember why at the moment, but yes. Fascinating.
    “Being tall is not a bad thing” – my thoughts exactly. Thing is…when I hear about it, I’m told it’s a bad thing. I’m cool with what connotation gets attached to “chem geek”. I accept that “feminist” comes with good and bad; I feel that it’s important enough to be one that the bad doesn’t matter to me. I’ve accepted that those sorts of labels add problems, so they don’t bother me. Tall on the other hand, isn’t something I chose, isn’t something I see as bad, and yet is something that really carries a lot of negative sterotypes with it. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been told, not always jokingly, “You can’t date him; he’s too short.” Seems to me that if my female friends are saying it, the guys around me are sure thinking it. Sara laughs at the idea of Nate and I being together; I don’t think I ever bothered telling her I was interested. Then there’s things like clothes. Do you remember the makeover session at Briarwood in the fall, when you nearly refused to think about dressing me up ’cause I’m too oddly shaped? I get told I could be a model with my height, and yet nothing fits, and no one seems to know how to make it work. If you could have seen my high waters back in middle school….the length of pants has improved immeserably since then, at least. But no, you want a real admission, here’s one. I don’t know what percentage, but a large chunck of my “dammit I’m not a girl” attitude is self defence, pointing out my boyish characteristics before anyone can tell me how girls aren’t supposed to be tall and broad shouldered. Like you said, caring about something only invites goading. Part of the tomboy in me is purposful nonchalance about being tall.
    You know, it was insignificent, for the longest time. I think it’s because my peers in high school grew up with me, and I was at one point an average size…way back in the day. There was never a shock of “OH my that’s a giant!” like people who’ve meet me as an adult. Tall was an issue, but a mild one. College, though, changed that a lot. I didn’t care until people made me care.
    Yeah, I shouldn’t make short jokes. I need to do that less in general, and make clear when it’s the sort of teasing reserved for boyish posturing, when size is an appropriate thing to bost about, at least carefully. That was a thought that should have made it in the original rant. But while people say my short jokes invite tall jokes, I ask them to remember the other side of the circle, that their tall jokes invite short jokes. I’ll be doing my best, though, from now on, not to make so many short jokes. See if the favor is returned.
    Ugh I dunno, it’s frustrating and it’s stupid that this IS an issue large enough to deserve comment. I’m proud of who I am, and if being Dutch means being tall, then so be it. I’ll live with the discomfort of not fitting, and deal with the social reprecussions, but when I hear about it constantly from those around me, that’s when it gets to me. I’d be more than willing to ignore it if I got the same treatment back.
    And you wanna know what’s stupid? As I write this I find it very hard not to comment on Sara and Nate’s behavior last night. There were a LOT of short jokes, and I didn’t say a one of them. I feel quite sorry for him…
    Ah well whatever. Further typing will just make me feel self conscious, so I will end this with a blow off paragraph because, well, it’s lj and not debate class.
    *cheeky grin* *wait I’m at work* *blah attempt at a cheeky grin*

  6. August 9, 2005 7:05 am

    Re: A slightly different approach than Yin and Cameron’s. Mostly Yin’s.
    *hug* Ah Katie, I do love you. It’s nice to know I am understood.
    Dude, I can at least type “girl” without problems…well as long as my name isn’t in the same sentence… ;-)
    Basically if you want a real reply read what I wrote the boys. I remembered that I don’t care at the end of Yin’s comment, and lost the will to say anything more. I wanna marry a short guy now, though. Hopefully our kids will have one parents height genes or the other. No average kids, but a series of tall, short, tall, short. This would amuse me to no end… (Hey at least I’m not the parent that named my kid “Pure Everlasting Love”! And that’s REAL, not a joke…)
    Also, I love the phrase “TOTALLY CHEWS ASPHALT”. I’ve gotta remember that one…
    And Katie dear? You are a girl. Just the most wonderful sort.
    Anyway, I’m gonna go play with pictures now. Bubye!

  7. Anonymous permalink
    August 9, 2005 7:18 am

    thanks for the reference and tall perspective

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